Our house hums

Our house hums. It really does. I first heard it late one night and or maybe early in the morning. Like Sherlock Holmes I followed the sound to the bedroom farthest away from our own.

I wondered what on earth it could be? I thought of radon and that kind of thing. Then I wondered, “Am I hearing things?’ because it sounded like nothing a natural living thing would make. It didn’t sound electric either. And at times, lots of times, it was loud enough to wake me up at night. And because I can’t shut it off, it keeps me awake.

I don’t wear earplugs because we fall asleep with the tv on and if I put in the plugs then I can’t hear the TV.

And it spread, to the master bath. That one has a tone, a definite tone.

Doe, ray, me, fa, sooooo, so so so. That’s it. It’s not a bad so, kind of like the note in the one-note-samba. So soso so sososo, soso, soso sosooo. But then it switches to Tee. And tee is not nice. It’s annoying. The first note of the theme song from the movie “Laura” is a Tee, except this has the tone quality of a geiger counter. It’s really annoying.

Here’s the hot mess part of all this: I’m the only one who hears it.

I’ve noticed it for a year or so now. One hypothesis is that people under great stress are more prone to hearing this hum. Why would I be stressed? What, with the isolation from Covid and four heart procedures and the potential for four more years of Trump after already having four? I’m perfectly fine. No problem here. Sometimes I catch myself repeating myself. Did I say I was perfectly fine? Well, I am, perfectly fine.

We’ve had our families stay in that room and no one’s ever mentioned anything about it. It’s one reason I haven’t brought it up. As I’ve gotten, you know, older, I’ve given the kids enough to be suspicious of. I don’t need to add that I’m hearing things, in the house, that nobody else hears.

On my side is this: Evidently this is a thing. It’s even a worldwide thing and has a name, the Worldwide Hum. It happens along a beach in Australia, a forest in Germany, or, well, here in Phoenix. It’s said to have originated in Bristol, England. And no one understands why. Not how it happens, where it originates or how some people hear it when no one else can.

Some reports say it drives some people batty from lack of sleep and various other things. It’ hasn’t gotten that bad for me. Not yet. And the report says only 2% to 10% of people can hear it at all. Lucky me.

My wife Marsha and I are the only ones who hear it. The hum comes from the farthest corner of the furthest bedroom. It’s detectable from the hall about 30 feet away and intensifies as we approach the evil corner. It starts at night and goes away in the morning. It’s 6:30 this morning and it’s still there. I’m going to check later to see when it goes away.

We’ve noticed it for a year or so now. One hypothesis is that people under great stress are more prone to hearing this hum. Why would I be stressed? What, with the isolation from Covid and four heart procedures and the potential for four more years of Trump after already having four? I’m perfectly fine. No problem here. Sometimes I catch myself repeating myself. Did I say I was perfectly fine? Well, I am, perfectly fine.

We’ve had our families stay in that room and no one’s ever mentioned anything about it. It’s one reason Marsha and I haven’t brought it up. As we’ve gotten, you know, older, we’ve given the kids enough to be suspicious of. We don’t need to add that we are hearing things, in the house, that nobody else hears.

On our side is this: Evidently this is a thing. It’s even a worldwide thing and has a name, the Worldwide Hum. But only 2% to 10% of people can hear it at all. It happens along a beach in Australia, a forest in Germany, or, well, here in Phoenix. It’s said to have originated in Bristol, England. And no one understands why. Not how it happens, where it originates or how some people hear it when no one else can.

Some reports say it drives some people batty from lack of sleep and various other things. It’s not that bad for us. Not yet.

Just lucky, I guess. For now, we’ll just keep it from the kids.